Laura's Secrets
by Jedigrl330
Summary: Laura has a secret, one that makes her human.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Here's a little one shot about Laura/ X-23. I suppose it would actually take place in The New X-Men: Childhood's End story line but it is based primarily off events we saw in Evo so I'm putting it up here. Hope you all enjoy.

Warnings: Self mutilation, rape, torture

Disclaimer: Are you kidding, I barely have enough to pay for my internet connection…

Laura's Secrets…Or the drabbles of a Weapon

When night falls on the Mansion it's mine. I am the one who knows what's going on, where everyone is, what they're doing, what they're dreaming…

I can hear the pained cries…the horrified screams…the whispers of passion.

But no one hears me.

Here in my secret place not even Logan knows where I am. Underneath the heater, wrapped in multiple peoples clothes…he can't smell me, can't hear me…can't find me.

That's the way I like it.

I'm not really here. I'm not a weapon here, don't exist beneath them all. I can observe, I can learn. To be something I'm not.

To be human.

Down here, I can feel. Feel my claws etching patterns into my skin, the blood dripping to the floor, the nausea of guilt as the ruby liquid dries. Feel the pain of what came to pass, the beatings, the violations, the assassinations I was forced to commit, and the pain of knowing I will never be them. Feel the tears slipping down my cheeks, soaking my shirt, mingling with the dust that gathers here.

Dust. Blood. Tears. They make up my secret place, allow me to survive here.

Up there, amoung the ones I think I love, I exist. But I don't survive. Up there, I am X-23. I am a weapon. A killer. Dangerous. The whispers of fear in their eyes confirm it. I will never be human to them. I will never be Laura.

Laura only survives here. With the dust. With the memories. With the blood. With the pain.

Above me, Rogue sobs in her sleep, Ororo screams because of long dead night mares, Jean whispers for Scott to be rougher…and it's mine. And I am human.


	2. Choices

Chapter Two: Choices

A/N: I never planned for this to become a story, or to add more at all. I wouldn't exactly call this a continuous story but it is the same Laura/ X-23 from chapter so I figured it fits.

Disclaimer: I wish but no it's not mine.

Laura watched the blood drip with a quiet _splash spatter splash _onto the concrete floor. She snuggled a little deeper into Rogue's old green trench coat as the cuts quickly closed. The rubies of her life began to dry on her arm while she watched.

It was unusually quiet in the Mansion that night. Rogue's sobs had ceased an hour ago and Laura had heard the soft slap of feet in the kitchen not long after. The gothic teen sat above the weapon without knowing while she sipped coffee from a chipped mug, setting it on the table after every sip so her listener knew what was going on.

Ororo's absence added to the silence. Laura wondered if the woman was tossing and turning, screaming at long dead ghosts, in her bunk on the Blackbird or if the knowledge she was on a mission kept the woman's mouth closed in sleep. Part of Laura hoped that Ororo cried out, let someone know the pain, but another part of her hoped not. The screams had become part of Laura, part of her humanity; it seemed she would lose it if Ororo healed her mind.

Scott was with Ororo. Jean had whispered to him in her earlier dreams but it had long since stopped. The red head's breathing had remained even. Laura assumed her dreams had simply decided to keep to themselves. It tugged on the weapon's heart but she couldn't place why.

Wiping the dried blood from her body, Laura started the experience all over again. She savored the _snikt_ her claws made as they shot through her skin. The sharp pain ended too soon and Laura reawakened it on her arm. Guilt settled in her stomach when the liquid life once again landed on the floor.

A sob broke the weapons thoughts. Rogue cried again, not loud but it echoed in Laura's mind. That noise, one Laura couldn't bring herself to make, mirrored her heart. Silently, she stood. It hurt to remain this way and Laura was tired of hurting. She wanted to be friends, to be family, here. She wanted the fear to fade from the students eyes and be replaced with the look they all shared.

Stepping out of the heater closet, Laura shed her layered clothing as she walked to the kitchen. Hesitation caught in her throat when she saw Rogue snuggled into Logan's arms at the table. She hung back in the shadows, unsure of how to take the step into the light. As she was about to turn away, Logan looked up and silently opened the arm not holding Rogue.

Timidly, Laura walked forward into the light. Rogue looked up, shoulders still shaking, and smiled through her tears. The choice was Laura's, not X-23's. And with a deep, shaky breath on the edge of tears she stepped forward and chose.

_ I am human. I don't have to be a weapon anymore. I have a choice._


End file.
